a vague collection of daily struggles, hourly arguments, minute concerns, and secondary impulses.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

the sandbox theory.

between twiddling my thumbs and updating obscure web pages, I spent some time in college thinking about life, the universe, and the number 42. I also devoted thought cycles and brain cells to the interaction between men and women. eventually I came up with something I called "the sandbox theory", for which I make no claims of originality, professionalism, or even clarity. other than a few useful classes on American literature, I took exactly zero classes based on reality or cognition. (further stretching the theory is my equally thin experience out "in the field".)

the theory is simple. men and women play stupid, childish games with each other.* the setting of a sandbox comes from friendly backyards and grassy parks. what do little kids say about each other? you remember. "boys are icky." "girls are gross." things of that nature. children will throw sand at each other, push each other in the mud. to poorly paraphrase James M. Cain, "she looked so good I could have hit her with a hammer." many years ago, I was at a birthday party for one of my soccer teammates. my feelings so strong, I tried drowning one of the girls there. (all right, relax; I am using "drown" as an 11-year-old would.)

the problem with this theory is, by the time you are old enough to realize it, you should have outgrown it. even ten years ago, when I first put thoughts to paper (and Cool Hand Luke's ears), I had outgrown the age limit. ("you must be this short to ride this ride.") times have changed. I should be acting in a calmer, controlleder manner. kids my age do not take well to having someone push them face-first into the mud, and then scurrying away on a Big Wheel. (no so much then, either, but at least we had immaturity and poor social skills as reasons.)

the alternative to this foolhardy foolishness is the direct route. but, too often your target will side-step your warm advance, leaving you with little else but to correct your stumble, shimmy past them, and pretend you were talking to someone else in the first place.

the problem with playing hard-to-get is that "playing", in this sense, is no goddamn fun. there are roller coasters to be ridden and mountains to be climbed, woman. take my hand and let us go.

* - Yes, I realize this "theory" can apply to all courtships and relationships. But, as David Simon once said, "We try to only write what we know."


At May 30, 2007 10:38 AM, Anonymous said...

is that why you are always so mean to me?



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